State What You Want. Not What You Don't
Jan 13, 2025Think of a blue elephant........ What came to mind? A blue elephant, right?
Now, DON'T think of a pink elephant.... What happened? Did you think of a pink elephant? I bet so.
As I learned from Dr. Craig Manning, this is a great exercise to show how quickly our mind turns thoughts into mental images.
It also highlights that the brain doesn’t register the word DON’T.
When I stated, "Think of the blue elephant…." Your brain quickly turned that thought of a blue elephant into an image of a blue elephant. Yet when I said, "DON’T think of a pink elephant," your brain was still quick at work to change it into a mental image again… except this time it was a pink elephant.
Dr. Manning’s point with this type of exercise is when you tell yourself to NOT DO something or DON’T do something; you are actually programming yourself to do the very thing you are trying to avoid!
How This Plays Out in Sports
Imagine you’re a baseball player. You step up to the plate and think, “Don’t strike out.” What image does your brain create? Striking out.
Or if you’re a goalie in soccer or hockey and say to yourself, “Don’t give up a goal,” the mental image that comes to mind is of you giving up a goal.
Even in tennis, telling yourself, “Don’t hit the net,” programs your brain to focus on the very thing you want to avoid.
The Solution: Utilize the Mind Strength Skill “State What You Want”
Step 1:
To break this cycle, you need to consciously state what you want instead of what you don’t want.
For example:
- Baseball Player: Instead of “Don’t strike out,” say, “Get a hit.”
- Goalie: Replace “Don’t give up a goal” with “Block the shot.”
- Tennis Player: Think, “I’m hitting it in play.”
When you state what you want, your brain creates a positive mental image of success. This helps you focus on the action you want to take, rather than the outcome you fear.
Step 2:
After stating what you want, the next step is to refocus your attention on something you can control.
For example:
- If you’re a golfer and say, “I’m hitting it in the fairway,” step 2 = shift your focus to a specific skill you can control, like “keeping my head down.”
- If you’re a basketball player and say, “I’m sinking this free throw,” step 2= focus on your breathing or on your shooting form like following through.
This shift from outcome focus to process focus helps you reduce your anxiety & increase your performance by focusing on things you can control. (For a reminder on this concept, see my blog on Control the Controllable: The Key to Reducing Anxiety and Increasing Performance.)
A Real-Life Example: My Golf Buddy
I’ve got a buddy who I’ve been reluctant to share this information with out on the golf course. ;) This friend of mine plays much more golf than me and probably a lot more than the average individual, but he seems to not make any big strides every time I play with him. He’s physically got the tools, yet I believe this skill that we are talking about here is what holds him back. Throughout the course, I hear him say things like:
- “Don’t hit it in the water.”
- “Don’t miss the putt.”
- “Don’t blade it.”
What do you think then happens most often when he states these things?
You are correct. What he was trying to avoid actually ends up becoming his reality. Therefore, limiting his potential.
The other thing he’s got working against him is when he states these types of things, he continues to focus on the outcome, instead of on something he can control. So, as a result, his anxiety increases and his performance decreases, just like we learned in the blog post (Control the Controllable: The Key to Reducing Anxiety and Increasing Performance.) My friend has all the talent in the world, yet remember...
“Talent without Mind Strength is talent wasted,” and my buddy is living proof.
Handling “Don’t” From Others
What about when someone else—like a coach or teammate—says “Don’t ____”?
You can’t control what others say to you, but you can control how you respond. This is where the Mind Strength skill of “Flip the Statement” comes in.
For example:
- If your coach says, “Don’t turn the ball over,” flip it to: “Take care of the ball.”
- If they say, “Don’t miss the putt,” flip it to: “Sink the putt.”
- If they shout, “Don’t hit the net,” flip it to: “I’m serving it in play perfectly.”
Then, once you’ve flipped the statement, refocus your mind on something you can control to help you keep your mind from drifting to worrying about the outcome or other things that are out of your control and can spike your anxiety.
Take Control of Your Mind:
The words you say to yourself shape your performance. By mastering the skills of “State What You Want” and “Flip the Statement,” you can take control of your mindset, reduce anxiety, and unlock your full potential.
Start practicing today and see the difference these simple yet powerful tools can make. Your mind is your greatest asset—train it well!
Mind Strength Skills Recap:
1. State What You Want
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1. Focus on what you want to achieve, not what you’re trying to avoid.
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2. Refocus your attention on something you can control and off of the outcome.
2. Flip the Statement
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1. When someone says, “Don’t ____,” state to yourself what it is you want to happen.
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2. Refocus your attention on something you can control and off of the outcome.
Mind Strength Workout for the Week:
1. Practice “Stating What You Want” and “Flipping the Statement” in both your sport and daily life.
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Each time you catch yourself or someone else saying “don’t,” flip it into something you do want.
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Continue to refocus your mind on those things that you can control and off of outcome.
"The mind can concentrate on only one thing at a time. So, rather than suppress what you don’t want to happen, you must focus on what you do want to happen" - Gary Mack & David Castevens (Mind Gym)