Do these things for me:

• Change the weather.
• Make yourself taller.
• Get the President of the United States to say something you want.

Did you succeed? Probably not. Did you even try? I bet not. Why? Because it’s obvious these things are impossible. They’re silly, out of your control, and a waste of time.

But here’s the twist—don’t we do this all the time in our daily lives and sports?

We obsess over things we can’t control. We worry about the future, stew over the past, or fixate on what others think of us. We stress over how many recruiting stars we’ll have or whether the coach likes our performance. Some of us even exhaust ourselves wishing we could change things about ourselves we simply can’t—like our height or appearance.

What a waste. In fact it’s the biggest waste. Focusing on things we can’t control drains our time, energy, and mental resources. It’s the ultimate distraction from what really matters: the things we can control.

The Consequences of Focusing on the Uncontrollable

When you focus on things you can’t control, two harmful things happen:

1. You waste precious time and energy.
2. Your anxiety increases.

As my old mental performance coach, Dr. Craig Manning, taught me, there’s a direct link between anxiety and control. When you focus on things outside your control, your anxiety spikes. And when your anxiety increases, your performance decreases.

Think about a backseat driver. Why are they so anxious? Because they don’t have control of the wheel. Their attempts to bark out commands are their way of grasping for a sense of control to ease their nerves.

The Solution: Focus on What You Can Control

Here’s the flip side: When you focus on what you can control, your anxiety decreases, and your performance increases.

So, now think about the driver  vs. the 'backseat driver.' They don't have high anxiety because they have control of the wheel.

This certainly was the case when my wife and I were in Italy. We got into a cab, and it felt like we were being driven by a Formula 1 driver weaving in and out of buildings and pedestrians, honking, etc. My anxiety was through the roof (I didn't have control of the wheel) Vs. Our taxicab driver looked like he could have taken a nap (he did have control of the wheel)

Mind Strength Exercise:

Here’s a simple exercise to help you identify and focus on what’s within your control:

Step 1: Take three minutes to brainstorm and write down all the things you can control in your sport.

• Examples: Your attitude, effort, preparation, thoughts, self-talk, prayer, etc.

Step 2: Take three more minutes to write down all the things you can’t control.

• Examples: The weather, your opponent, what the coach thinks, recruiting rankings, the media, the outcome of the game, etc.

Step 3: Compare your two lists and ask yourself this question: “What’s the big difference between the things you can control vs. the things you can’t”

Answer: The things you can control are INTERNAL: your thoughts, actions, effort, and mindset. These are all within your power. The things you can’t control are EXTERNAL: other people’s opinions, actions, or the environment around you.

Master Your Inner World

This exercise highlights a crucial principle: You must work from the inside out.

As Stephen R. Covey writes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, focusing on internal mastery—your choices, thoughts, and actions—is far more effective than trying to control the external world. You can’t control what others say or do, but you can always control how you respond.

If you’re experiencing performance anxiety or stress in life, chances are your focus is on external factors. The solution? Make a conscious decision to shift your focus inward. Focus on the things you can control.

It’s not flashy or complicated, but it works.

Mind Strength Skill:

• Control the Controllable:
• When you focus on what you can control, your anxiety decreases, and your performance improves.
• When you focus on what you can’t control, your anxiety increases, and your performance declines.

Mind Strength Workout for the Week:

1. Each morning, write down one thing you CAN control that you want to focus on.
• Example: “Have a great attitude.”
• Throughout the day, no matter what happens—good or bad—stick to your focus.
• If someone is rude or dismissive, remind yourself: I choose to have a great attitude.

Doing this daily will help you create the mental memory of getting your mind off the external and things you can’t control and shift your attention to those you can and are internal.

“You can’t always control your external world, but you can always control your inner world.” – Wayne Dyer